there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
