just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
