How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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