And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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