I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
