pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
