...so i touched it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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