After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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