check it out our google latitudes are spooning
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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