you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i think my cat just said my name.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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