I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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