I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
