Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
