Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize