WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
