i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
