Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
