there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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