I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i love accidental penises.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
