I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do vagina's smell?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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