I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
