Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
