Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
