...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just tell him i said nine months
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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