I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
