I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
