Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
