i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
