I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
