he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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