You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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