Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
