She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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