you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
