You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Houston, we have a squirter
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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