We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
