I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
