We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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