no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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