Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
