Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
