no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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