Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
