I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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