Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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