My room smells like vodka and shame
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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