i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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