My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
