I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
