walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
