I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
