So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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