You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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