wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
