You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
