The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
