I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
