TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
