He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
