just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
