I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
