i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
