Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
