we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
