Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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