my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
