So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
