I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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