I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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